It’s Saturday night, I’m alone, and I’m okay with that. I do have my 7-year-old with me, but other than him I’m dateless, and have been for almost a year now. I adore men and truly enjoy their company, but I need a break. I never did well dating, and made horrible choices in relationships. As much as I’d love to, I can’t blame men, my parents or any other aspect of society for my failures, I must own them. Someday I would love to have a male companion, but for now, I’ll enjoy experimenting with wine.
Wine and solitude have given me a peace I haven’t enjoyed in years, since childhood I believe. I’ve always sought approval from everyone but myself, and at 44 years old I’ve realized that the only person I need permission from is myself. My need for approval from others has held me back, and regardless of the “why”, I’m the only person with the power to change it, so I’m flying solo until I succeed.
As for tonight, I’m caressing a bottle….oops, I mean glass of pinot noir paired with a pizza and Netflix. I’ve never been happier, and I feel content with myself for the first time in my life. My next 44 years should be a lot fun, now that the seeking approval ship has sailed. Who knows what I’ll come up with next!